Monday, June 4, 2012

I Hate Regret.

If I had to describe my attitude/mentality in three words, I'd say "I hate regrets."  Seriously.  Hate them.  I'm not just talking about wishing you had majored in something else in college or wishing you had traveled the world before settling down.  Nope, I get majorly upset at even the tiniest comments that could be twisted into regrets, like when Mr. Snow Cone says that he wishes he would have gotten Beer A instead of Beer B at the restaurant.  A statement that seems off-handed to him makes me cringe and grit my teeth.  I've done a bit of soul-searching on this matter, and here's what I've come up with - for better or worse, I am at my happiest when those I care about are at their happiest.  So, when Mr. Snow Cone says he wishes he would have ordered a different beer while we're out to eat, I hear that he's not at his maximum happiness, and I feel a nearly overwhelming urge to do something to problem solve this situation.  It's just not in my nature to sit idly by and let a "problem" persist; I want to help!

Anyhow, this mentality has motivated me to recognize what I can and cannot change and form my reactions along that fundamental divide.  I try my hardest to not let something I perceive to be unchanging eat away at me, becoming a regret.

So how does all of this psycho babble relate to weddings?  Here's the truth of the matter.  I regret not having someone, anyone videotape the important parts of our wedding day.  Nearly 10 months after the fact, and I still can't shake this deep, pit-of-the-stomach, ugly regret that one of the most monumental moments of my life could have been captured on film, and yet, it wasn't.  Don't get me wrong, we considered videography, but came up empty-handed when travel and cost logistics were realistically evaluated.  I intended to ask someone to tape it, but that detail kind of got lost in the shuffle as the wedding day approached.  I guess I assumed someone would whip out a video camera and catch the moments came.  Wrong. 

The good news is that these pangs of regret come less frequently now that we're almost a year after the fact.  But, when they do come, I throw a pretty mean pity party for myself.  To be perfectly honest, since our wedding, I've pretty much avoided watching anyone else's wedding videos, for fear of stirring up some largely-repressed emotions.  While this strategy has been working on some level, still even seeing others' video posts is enough to make me fall into a minor funk.  The worst part?  I know I can't do a gosh darned thing about it.  If you regret ordering Beer A, shell out the extra five bucks and order Beer B.  If you regret not filming your wedding, you... pout.  And stew.  And try to forget it.  Those are about your only forms of recourse, so it seems.

But, here's the decision I've reached.  Yes, I can't do a single thing to capture moments of the wedding day on film.  That doesn't mean I have to feel sorry for myself or, God forbid, lump my entire wedding day under this tiny umbrella of disappointment.  From a rational approach, I've recognized that I likely would watch the video multiples times the first year of marriage, and increasingly infrequently thereafter.  What I may lack in video footage (I feel) I more than make up for with this blog adventure and our gorgeous photographs.  I poured every detail I could remember into our recaps, and I'm confident that I'll enjoy and connect with those artifacts in a more meaningful manner than I would with a video.  It may be just an attitude I'm forcing myself into, but it's what I'm focusing on right now.  That attitude should hold me over at least until Marty McFly and Doc Brown pick me up in their souped-up Delorean to transport me back to August 2011 to watch the entire thing unfold all over again, right?

Photo via Giant Robot; photo credit Universal

I guess all of this is to say that you should take a moment to reflect on what type of wedding memories are going to be most fulfilling to you, because you only get one shot at this.

What wedding regrets have you faced?

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