Monday, November 14, 2011

Thankfully, Done with Thank-Yous

This past weekend, Mr. Snow Cone and I finally finished our thank-yous and sent them off into the world.  One day short of our three-month anniversary, we were finally done.  Emily Post advises:
Each wedding gift should be acknowledged with a written note within three months of receipt of the gift. It’s best to write the notes as soon as possible after gifts arrive, however. Write a note even if you have thanked the giver in person.
According to Ms. Post, we were made in the shade, by 24 whole hours.  Why, then, did we feel kind of like big ol' failures?  Why, when we were celebrating our recently-completed task, did a more recently married friend squash our happiness by pointing out that she had gotten her thank-yous into the mail sooner than we had, and her wedding had occurred long after ours? 

After thinking on it for a bit, here's the conclusion I've reached: people need to take a chill pill when it comes to thank-you notes.  Allow me to explain.

Our wedding guest list was populated largely by people we know, adore, and are close to.  Do I really buy the fact that these special people need a notecard with a few sentences describing our appreciation for their attendance and gift in order to be convinced that we value this relationship?  Frankly, if that is the case, I'm a little concerned about the strength of our relationship in the first place.  Along the same lines, if we send a thank-you note within 6 weeks of the wedding instead of within 12 weeks of the wedding, do we love and appreciate our guests twice as much?  I'm sorry, I'm just not convinced. 

I understand that thank-yous are a true expectation facing all married guests.  But, I think there's too much pressure to get them out fast and compose manifestos of long, flowery notes to each and every guest.  We love our family and friends, and we hope they love us back just as much, regardless of exactly when they receive their thank-you note and/or whether the note has five or ten sentences.  In my mind, thank-yous are just kind of icing on the cake, a mere formality to explicitly state our appreciation.  I'm not saying they should be eliminated entirely; however, maybe if people relaxed a little bit, there wouldn't be so much pressure and stress associated with this daunting post-wedding task.

Where do you stand on thank-yous - a great opportunity to connect with guests, or another opportunity to stress out while striving to pleasing others?


  1. we got ours out 5 months after the wedding and I came to the conclusion that people will deal with it and were they really sitting at home checking their mailboxes every day for them? no..they were not. I wrote all of them myself and literally wrote out 200 thank yous. My friend did the same thing..she got hers out the same week as me and was married two months after us..BUT we also needed time to order ours with our pictures and such. anyway...good for you, getting them out in 3 months is truly great and fine and no one should make you feel bad for it!

  2. Thank you's were pretty stressful...I got them out just under 5 months and was fine and happy with that...3 months comes very quickly, and I wanted to make sure that I did write personal thank you's to each person.