Saturday, December 11, 2010

Punch in the stomach time!

I have a handy-dandy iPhone app that counts down to big events.  Once those events pass, the app keeps on counting, so you know how many days have passed since the event.  So far, I've only used this app to keep me extra-excited about stuff on the horizon... x number of days until my birthday, y number of days until Christmas, etc.  And, of course, as soon as we set a wedding date, I punched it in so I know precisely how many days I have until W-day.  To help pass the time one day at the bus stop, I punched in our engagement day, too, since I was curious as to exactly how long ago it happened.

What's my point with all of this iPhone countdown rambling?  Easy.  Today, the number of days that have passed since GG proposed is the same as the number of days remaining until we get married.  AKA WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH THE ENGAGEMENT.  Like the title says, this revelation kind of punched me in the stomach.  I feel somewhat like my old friend Calvin:

I mean, I'm going through a complete traffic jam of emotions right here.  I'm utterly panicked at the work remaining to be done, and I'm disappointed in the measly number of things I've managed to accomplish during the first 50% of the engagement.  Sure, I'm relatively on track with all of the various wedding to-do lists I've seen, but I still feel like I can count on one hand the number of things I've been able to check off the mega wedding to-do list.  Aside from having something to wear, some place to get married, some place to celebrate being married, some time to get married, and someone to get married to, I got a whole lotta nothing. 

On the other hand, this realization that we're halfway to the wedding is kind of bittersweet.  Never again in my life will I be someone's fiance.  Never again in my life will I wear an engagement ring and only an engagement ring.  This chapter of life's journey is really limited, to say the least.  And now that it's 50% done, I feel kind of glum, like I haven't been enjoying it to its fullest.  Maybe I've been stressing too much over details and not taking the time to appreciate exactly how special this time is.  That's it.  My "new half of the engagement" resolution is to step back every once in a while and enjoy the present, because I'm halfway to wife-dom, never to return to fiance-land again!

On the other, other hand (you know, that 3rd hand every one has), I'm really, really excited.  I'm excited to have the stress of planning be done.  I'm excited to have a huge, rockin' party with everyone I love and cherish.  I'm excited to marry GG after almost 9 years together.  So. Much. Excitement.

So, like I said... traffic jam of emotions.  But, regardless of what I'm thinking or not thinking, feeling or not feeling... time marches on, and the wedding gets closer day by day.  I feel like the engagement was a blink and a half ago, and here we are, at the halfway point of the engagement.  God only knows how much of a blur these next 8 months will be!

Did you have any timing revelations that knocked you back on your heels and gave you a chance to reassess planning and your own emotions?  Tell me I'm not alone!

1 comment:

  1. I had a total meltdown around the 6 month mark. Like, complete cancel-the-wedding-OMG-we-are-so-over-budget meltdown. We are right now at the 2 month mark and I'm way to busy to have any more meltdowns or even think of all the things I have to do by the end of the year.